This article will contain obsceneties, lots of them! If you can’t stomach harsh language, leave or grow a pair, will ya!. It’s not like I’m live-firing on a nation or gasing innocent civilians. I’m mad as hell and I checked my brain at the Editorial door. You’ve been warned
I’m pissed off right now and everybody’s gonna get it…no really. Some would argue that it’s in my nature to bitch and moan. Fine, I just prefer quality and depth over today’s cheap standards. Regardless, the point of this rant will be to piss-off some, make other think and satisfy my need to call ‘em like I see em’. Enough kid glove / P.C bullshit.
What started off as a so-so day almost turned in to a nightmare. I was almost killed today by a fucking moron not worthy of the snot I blew & blood I bled. As you may or may not know, I ride a bicycle. it keeps me in shape, it’s fun and I get to cross paths with some very good looking ladies. The season so far has been pretty good, until today. As a transplanted West Island boy used to bike paths, the Montérégie, although bucolic and refreshing, does present challenges. The fucking roads aren’t meant for anyone! They’re in such bad shape that it’s surprising that the accidents statistics aren’t higher. Point is, side roads aren’t too busy but the main roads are cramped, esp. during a long weekend. When that happens, people get impatient and make stupid decision, like this upstanding citizen.
Heading out towards Rte 227 in St-Gregoire, there is a section of side road connecting two Mains. The speed limit there is 90 km/h. This lane is unusual that it’s smaller than regular side roads but the speed limit is actually higher. This means that people here don’t give a shit what they do. They floor it, just to enjoy the sound of the engine revving and to forget, for a while, that their gonads are so small. I’ve hated that road since day one but it’s the only one leading towards the montain. As I’m pedaling along, I hang my head down for a few seconds, to relax my neck (yeah, I was very tense). As I brought my head up, I see a car coming straight for me, IN THE OPPOSING FUCKING LANE!! Seems that this retard had the brainfart to tailgate the slower (remember, this is a 90 zone) car in front of him and veer off at the last second, gun the engine and change lanes, coming out exactly where I was. All I had time to do is a hard right to get out of the way, good thing too, his side miror missed me (my left side) by a foot. My reflexes, the jetwash from the car zipping by and the soft, muddy gravel that my tires bit into, catapulted me over my bars and I fell to my right, into the ditch. I’m still clipped into my pedals so I barrel-rolled once going down before my clips popped out. I keep going and was stopped by the water from last nights storm.
Dazed, I crawled out of the ditch and collapsed on the side. I let the pain wash away then checked myself. I was ok…a few cuts on my leg, my bum knee starting to swell, my neck is whiplashed and I probably have a few bruises on my right side. I was soaked, muddy and the front of my shirt full of snot (I prefer that then having my chamois shit-filled, anyday!!) A few cars stopped and this young father and his boy helped me up, checked me for injuries and fished my bike out of the swamp – Sir, whoever you are, I’m sorry I never got your name but I will thank you for all times – More scared than injured, I thanked everybody and asked if anyone saw anything, negative…happened too fast. I walked off for a few minutes, to loosen up then got back on the road. I’m riding now on pure shock, with my veins full of adrenaline that my body dumped but 20 minutes later, holy shit did it start registering…I was almost killed! It would’ve been quick, too. Boom, lights out.
Sonovabitch, cocksucking motherfucker!! AAARGGGHHHH fuck you, you fucking fuck!!! – not quite Shakeaspeare, I agree, but it felt good to scream out my absolute disgust, my rage and my pain out in the open. I honestly don’t know how I got home. It seemed to take hours but when I did, I got cleaned up and that’s when I started to get angry. That it should be ranted, shouted out because this shit has got to end, right-the-fuck-now!!
To the Ministère du Transport du Québec :
What the Hell are you guys doing, with your collective thumbs up your asses! How many folks have got to be killed out here (on the roads, I mean) for you guys to figure it out, seriously! The state of road disrepair in Québec is beyond bad. Never mind the old joke that you can tell when you’ve crossed the border into Québec, that joke has been going on since my childhood and it’s ONLY based in facts. This is not fiction, you morons!! People have been killed by road bumps, holes, bad signage, bad road repair, falling debris, collapsed structures!! What The Fuck!! How many more have to die that we, the tax-paying VOTERS, decide to go Revolution on you, huh? We’ve put men on the Moon, mapped the Human Genome, built super colliders, to smash atoms and reveal the structure of the Universe…BUT you can’t even figure out a good road material, that will last, be safe and prevent accidents so why are our tax dollars funding for Materials R & D?? Something is broke and needs fixin’!
Step up, damnit, prove that you can get this lumbering machine going again. We have great engineers, world-renowned scientists, architects and the manpower to do something!! Get all these crooked, corrupt construction company moguls (they are all guilty, don’t need a commission to figure it out) Used that stupidly spent money and prove to us that you actually give a shit. We know you don’t, but why don’t you prove to us that you can actually THINK…vote will flow by themselves!
To the SAAQ :
Start by acknowledging that this is the 21st Century and you will actually be able to go forward. A few yeards ago, you came up with a brilliant but brutal campain, to stop people from driving like crazed bastards. Because some easily offended virgin start to bitch and moan, pop, you pulled the plug. Why? Why not let your “customers” see what really happens when retards get behind the wheel and lose their shit! Ask any cop/firefighter/EMT and they’ll tell ya that they have turned green/puked at the sight of a mangled 8 year old, rammed by a kid out for a joyride. Well, if that doesn’t get drivers attention, nothing will. Enough of the “Driving is a right” attitude. Bullshit, it’s not. It’s a priviledge that should be enforced. Young drivers should by taught by professionnals, not Joe Blow off the boat, who can’t speak the language but got a driving company started (how that works, I’ll never know!) We have a brutal climate and 3 months of driving experience before the winter is not enough for a youngster. It’s a recipe for disaster and grief.
Take away a drunk drivers license…for LIFE, no more pussy-footing. If you’re too fucked-up in the head to get the message that you can kill people quite easily with a mass of metal weighing several thousand pounds sober, then imagine when you little brain in floating in alcohol. These retards need to be dealt with, harshly. Alcoholism is not a disease, it’s an addiction to a poison but unfortunately, you guys just treat it like a dude with a Man-Cold!! After a few weeks off, you sell him a machine, mounted on the dash, that will analyze his blood-alcohol content. If the car starts that means he’s just cleared the 0.08 but 0.07 will start the car which means he’s still tanked but a little less cross-eyed. Brilliant, really…you should also give some Nyquil with that.
All drivers should pass mandatory exams, not the bullshit we have now, but real test, real driving scenarios every 5-7 years, to renew our priviledge to operate a motorized vehicule. Should you fail that test, you get probation and a chance to study for a second but final try. Fail that, turn off the ignition, you’re done. That means the elderly, bikers, heavy haulers, soccer moms, teens and all the other assorted drifting, pimp-my-ride douchebags out there. I’m sorry but the lax attitude of civil servants out for seniority and pensions have pushed out the competent folks. As a result, the system was thinned out and cannot sustain itself anymore.
To Municipalities :
Spend that extra money and make the fucking roads larger!! If that little patch of gravel on the side of the road would instead have been paved, I would likely have not been in this situation, nor, I believe, the hundreds of cyclist who are injured or killed every bloody year. Sure, one would say ” Well, just get off the road, then! We don’t need your kind! ” but we know this microcephalic attitude is probably part of the problem. Asshole, it’s not just cyclist but other motorist out there!! If you’re texting, phoning, speeding and not giving a shit what you are doing, hey, if its not me you’re gonna kill, it will be that family coming back from vacation or that 17 year old out with friends, just doing what teens do! You can also use the “But paving is expensive” excuse. Well, let do rough math. Let say paving costs 10000$/km for a 10 meter wide road. That equals 1$ per square meter. Adding an extra 50 cm on either side adds 1000$ to the bill. Now, count the man-hours paid to every cop, paramedic, firefighter, Emergency worker, tow-truck operator, accident expert, doctor, nurse and all the others involved when someone is the victim of an accident (and most are paid by our taxes) I think that your excuse is moot and blatantly irrelevant. Why don’t you use that as a springboard for tourism instead? Let me help : “Hey ya’ll, come visit St-Whatever, we have a great region, filled with wonders of nature and the greatest bike path to get there…it’s not Paradise but we’re a close competitor!” Cheesy maybe, but it can be a gold-mine for the city coffers…
To You, drivers :
Just be careful and stop being distracted with all the bullshit that governs your daily lives. Turn that fucking cell phone off while you drive. I could be the victim of your next Facebook likes!! How would that feel, huh? Would you have the guts to put it on your wall and proclaim that your lack of judgement snuffed an innocent life out of existance? I may be over reaching this but today, I really value my life a lot more. It’s not much, mind you, but fuck you all, it’s MINE and I have the right to keep it safe.
A special salute to that retard in the German sport car that nearly made me into Casper. FUCK YOU. You did something without thinking that there could be consequences…where the hell have you been? There are always consequences…some are good but others can destroy lives. Karma’s a Bitch!!